Red vs Blue: A Mini Philosophical Discussion
by Lt Gravemind
Summary: Church and Tucker have a short Why are we here? discussion.


It was a hot and blistering day in Blood Gulch, as per usual. Caboose was playing with both Doc and Sister while Church and Tucker stood watch on top of the base. After a good hour of just looking out over the canyon and dying of boredom, Tucker turned to Church and asked "Church?"

Church looked at him and replied, "Yeah?"

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

"What?"

"Do you ever why we're here? I mean, do you think we were just some cosmic coincidence, or is there really a god, looking out for us and stuff?"

Church just gave Tucker a deadpan look and asked, "What, is the heat getting to your head or something?"

"I'm serious dude," Tucker replied, his voice holding no hint of insanity or joke.

Church sighed and said, "Well, I look at it this way. If there is a heaven, hell, a god who loves me, and a man with horns and a retarded tail ready to make my life hell, then chances are that I'm in my own version of hell since I'm already dead and I've outlived my purpose. If there's none of that whatsoever and we're just out here, then we just have some really messed up luck. In other words, even if there was a god and I had a purpose, I wouldn't care."

"So you don't have anything to look forward to?" Tucker asked.

"I'm freakin dead in case you haven't noticed! And I'm still stuck here with you, Caboose, and those stupid Reds!" Church almost shouted.

Then from across the canyon came the voice of Grif, shouting "Boo! Blues Suck!"

"Hey, I'm having a philosophical conversation with a pervert here!" Church shouted in reply, receiving a piecing glare from Tucker.

"Hey!" Tucker said indignantly.

Church put on an innocent look and stated, "What? You know it's true."

"I know, but I prefer the term lady's man."

"More like lady's repellent..." Church muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing. Continue on with your wonderful insight into life and its purpose." Church replied, his voice sardonic.

"Ha ha ha, very funny. But seriously, I'd like to believe that there's more to my life then just picking up chicks and showing them the river of love."

"Must be an uncharted river." Church muttered under his breath.

"Very funny."

"But if you'd like to believe more, then do it." Church said plainly.

"What?"

"Seriously, who can really say there isn't a god or a purpose or whatever the hell you want to call it? All I know is that we're alive somehow, and despite all that's happened, we've still come through in one piece."

Suddenly, and for no apparent reason, the tank explodes.

"Mostly in one piece." Church corrected.

Something inside the base explodes at this point.

"Partially in one piece." Church corrected again.

A sniper round whips by Church's head.

Church glanced around. "Who the hell's doing that?!"

"Sorry. I was playing baseball with the brown balls and the telemascope, and one of the exploding ones hit me. Now I feel dizzy," Caboose replied from the back of the base.

Then Doc's voice came saying, "Don't worry Caboose, that's just blood loss."

"Blood loss, that's kinda hot," Sister's voice came afterwards.

Ignoring the recent explosions and sniper round, Tucker asked, "So anyway, what about Tex and my kid? They died, so where do they go if they don't appear as ghosts?"

"I honestly don't know Tucker. They could be in heaven, hell, purgatory, nothingness, I don't know. They could just be gone, but I just don't know."

After a moment of silence, Tucker asked, "Do you miss them?"

"The abomination? No. Tex? As much as a whore and a thief as she might have been, yes." Church wearily replied.

"So why did you let her go?"

"...look she decided to go out and get herself blown up. I tried to stop her, but I couldn't. What more do you want from me?!" Church said raising his voice.

"Alright, don't get touchy." Tucker said retracting himself.

"Touchy?! You're the one getting into the philosophical conversations and stuff about god!" Church shouted now.

"Yeah, but I don't get mad every time you call my kid an abomination." Tucker retorted. Then, after a moment of silence, he said "...so you didn't answer my question."

"What?" Church asked.

"Do you ever wonder why we're here?"

"No, I never wonder why we're here. Semper Fi, jackass."


End file.
